The Unthinkable

Yesterday, I had the minor complaint of my website home page not loading and the difficulty of coming home after a great vacation.

A pain, sure, but nothing remotely life altering.

Reality has a way of slapping me in the face with a perspective check sometimes.

Yesterday was one of those days, sadly. I wish with all my heart it wasn't.

My youngest, Claire, lost four of her friends in a devastating car crash Wednesday night, and a fifth girl is fighting for her life in ICU. These girls all lived together last year in the same dorm.

Remember how close you got to the kids on your hall your freshmen year of college? I do. I'm still friends with some of them. My heart breaks for all those involved.

I kept trying to fix my website yesterday afternoon, my mind drifting back to my precious Claire as she works on her final projects for the year.


I know Claire. She'll put it out of her mind as best she can until she has time to "deal" with it.


We spoke only briefly, because she said she had to go, but I know she doesn't want to talk about it, because it makes it real.


But, something this big digs its claws into your heart and soul and begs for your attention every second of every day with every breath you take. Your mind keeps going there, like a tongue seeking out a sore tooth.


I think of the parents of the girls who lost their lives, and I start to cry - the loss so unthinkable. Even as I write about it, the tears roll down my cheeks. How will they deal with such unimaginable loss? I feel selfish for being so relieved that my girl wasn't in the car - a natural response to be sure, but oh-my-God-those-poor-parents!!


And those lively young ladies who've been lost to the world too soon.


I still believe in God, even when the world is shitty, but I can't tell you why these tragedies happen, and things like this make me so damn mad and sad. I'm not going to tell you, "everything happens for a reason," because that feels like Christian pablum to me, even though I've said it to myself often enough when dealing with my own problems.


Many times I'm able to look back and see that the path I was on was the best path for my own growth, even if it sucked at the time.


But the death of four young vibrant girls - what reason? How could the world possibly be better now?


I have no answers.


If you're the praying type, please join me in praying for the souls of those young girls and for their parents, families, and friends who bear the unspeakable loss.


And please pray for Agnes Kim as she struggles in ICU.


To quote Claire's Facebook page from yesterday "All Dawgs go to Heaven, but the Best Go First."